I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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