Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
