Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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