Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
