He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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