We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
