I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
