Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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