I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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