The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
