Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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