He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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