okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
