I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
