yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
