god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
