Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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