There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
