I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Everclear isn't food dammit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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