she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
