then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
