im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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