He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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