nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
