omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize