why didn't you poke me back
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
