puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
