You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
