he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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