i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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