i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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