Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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