i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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