So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I would fuck him just for his dog
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize