I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
