i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
