i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I puked a lego.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize