About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
