im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
