Only a mothe r could love this liver
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
