Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
