If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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