it's too hot outside to masturbate.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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