he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
