Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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