She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
