now i know why i became what i already was.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
