ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
