Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They have beer where we have blood.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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