Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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