Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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