if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
