He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
