Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
