4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize