Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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