I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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