Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
