I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
