matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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