When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
