im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize