my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
