Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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