umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize