if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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