so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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