Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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