that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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