he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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