hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
