Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
