I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
