I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am available for nakedness
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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