my mouth tastes like poor choices
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
