Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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