My first STD was from a foam party
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
