you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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