i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
