i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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