something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
