when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
