youre lurking in front of me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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