man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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