i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
