I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
