I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
BRING THE BAGELS
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
