Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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