I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
