to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
