If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
