I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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