my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
