It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
