I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
