I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
