ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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