if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
